Let Us Thank The Pakistanis

At a gathering this Saturday, I was asked what can we do in face of Paki attacks under the nuclear umbrella? It is not a simple question to answer because the answer will make you feel angry and impotent. I will try to explain what I mean by that.

We have been at war with Pakistan four times. Even they agree that they were the aggressors each time. They got beat badly each of those times. However, we fought the battles on our own turf i.e. defensive battles. We are good at defending because after we have been attacked, the decision to defend does not rest upon the politicians. Even our biggest victory against them when we split them in two was probably taken by Sam Maneckshaw with Indira Gandhi having the good sense to go along. But after the pakis went nuclear, any open war is not going to happen. Pakis know that. They also know that despite of all our might, we are essentially a soft state. They know that after all the tough talk; our response is going to be NOTHING. In fact, if you are an enemy of India it makes sense to attack us the way the pakis have so far. Think about it:

1. Good and strong Indian army with the decision-making left to Manmohan Singh / AK Antony. “Theek Hai” and a spotless lungi are their strong points. The beheading / torture has already been buried under the noise of Rahul Gandhi’s speech. To be fair, the decision making by the Vajpayee government was no better even though the army was mobilized. But for the UPA it is all “Theek Hai”.

2. The domestic protection in the last decade was led by an Iron Man wannabe Advani who took a long time to ban SIMI. However he was far far better than Shivraj Patil and Chidambaram who spent their tenures looking for Hindu bogeymen to ensure the appeasement of Muslim voters. But even they were better than the current guy who may be the Home Minister but behaves like a Constable, which he used to be.

3. Every party in India other than the BJP is beholden to the Muslim votes. You want to attack Mumbai, use Dawood Ibrahim’s contacts. You want to attack South India, you have the Madani group or the Saudi Arabian branch of the LeT. Do not worry about local help. The followers of Akbaruddin Owaisi and Zakir Naik will be too happy to oblige. And why not? The local police are too busy hunting Hindu terrorists therefore no one is going to look for local Muslim supporters of paki terror. You want to attack the Northern India then the options exponentially increase with pliant Bangla Deshis on the side and Nepali Muslim legislators willing to lend a helping hand.

4. If you are worried about Indian public then do not worry. We are the most forgiving people in the world. The biggest Indian movie star who should have been in jail for vehicular manslaughter in any civilized country has not only been forgiven by Hindu supporters but has gone from strength to more strength. You can attack the Indian parliament and still get kid glove treatment in jail. You can talk of committing genocide on Hindus and still be allowed to travel around freely. You can do whatever you want as a Muslim in India without any repercussion from the Hindus. How many Hindus are boycotting the Biryani sellers in old Hyderabad or putting up even token protests anywhere in the country?

5. You do not have to worry about the media and the liberals. They are in the paki bags willing to light up candles and support Aman ki asha or Cricket matches. If you are worried about your pseudo-secular politicians who are proponents of peace at all costs not getting votes in the elections then not to worry. Our fractured polity, selfish regional parties, divided voters will always ensure that we never have a strong nationalistic government at the center. In fact you do not even have to worry about the conservatives in India who are still nursing hurt egos, willing to reward fat buffoons and sacrifice able leaders.

I could go on and on but you get the point. I say that we all thank the Pakistanis for not attacking us more often. I thank them for only beheading two of our boys this year. They did not carry out any terrorist attack last year and only carried out proxy attacks via the Maoists. Thank you my Pakistani brothers for that as well. We need to thank the Pakistani terrorists for keeping the Pakistanis busy with their own problems. That way they do not have as much time and focus to attack us.

Of course we should thank all the gods for saving us because we are definitely not capable of doing so.

Theek Hai Na?